"When recently asked to donate a secret to a creative project I had to really think. It's an odd question to be asked. You know you've got one somewhere. Now it's just a question of finding it, prising it out of its hiding place and shaping words around it... And there it was, so obvious now, the secret that I carry round with me all day every day. I whispered 'I'm dyslexic'.
And I couldn't be more disappointed! No shock, no horrified glares, no awkward silence, no reaction at all. Blank, disinterested faces. I might as well have said 'I'm breathing.'
So what did I want? What did I expect? A reaction? A gasp? Disbelief? Sympathy? Judgement?!
At first I put the lack of interest in the room down to knowledge: of course it's because they can tell I'm dyslexic, it's practically written on my forehead, in big clunky sprawl, with spelling mistakes. But no, turns out that quite simply my audience hadn't been phased. In fact, with about 4 people there, I most likely wasn't the only one. However, I may well have been the only one to define dyslexia as a secret. That's my problem, not theirs.
I blame it on late diagnosis. Identity is a complicated thing and it takes years to form some sort of self, if ever. At the same time, sadly, you're forming ideas and associations of other people, and other identities. When I was at school, dyslexia was not something I could possibly have: I could read and write don cha know!
So when I was diagnosed, aside from relief and penny-dropping moments, I had a little battle to deal with - dyslexia was for the kids in school that needed extra time and had a special corner of the classroom, not for grade A students who went on to university. And clearly, that was not a battle I'd won yet.
So can we get used to no reaction? Learning difficulties or whatever you call them are not obvious, nor should it be our little secret and while I'm busy imagining what evil judgements other people are making about me, it seems it's my own prejudices that need an update.
Are learning difficulties secretive? Do they define you? The more self awareness the better, right? So now I have a new secret, a proper one. 'I'm ashamed of being dyslexic.” But I shouldn’t be."
- Anonymous
The #shhh2013 project is anonymously collecting secrets to use in performance. Donate here http://svy.mk/114KRkc